Often in a separation, especially at the start of a breakup, you give away all of your own power by focusing on your ex and everything that they appear to be doing to hurt you and ruin your life.

• You cannot believe what your ex did.
• You repeat your messy divorce story over and over.
• You cannot accept what your ex is currently doing.
• You resist what is happening and try to control what your ex is doing.
• You worry about what our ex will do or not do in the future.
• You spend a lot of time wishing your ex was different.
• You blame and do not take responsibility for yourself.
• Basically, you focus far too much energy on our ex.

What you do need to do is take back your own power.
Step back and try to gain perspective on your situation if you are able.
Stop standing there, in victim mode, just watching your ex’s behaviour like a movie reel.
Stop retelling their misdeeds.
Stop making your ex the main character in your story.
Rewrite the script around you and what you want to do and start taking the actions you need to take.
Stop thinking about your ex and start thinking about YOU!
Start looking at your own situation and your part in it.
What do you want in your future?
What do you want in your life? Out of your life?
What are you doing to look after yourself?
What are you doing to be the best version of yourself you can be?
What are you doing to gain the knowledge and skills you need to work through your separation and rebuild your life?

[bctt tweet=”One of the basic truths in life is that we cannot control others. This is especially true during separation and divorce.” username=”PamMirehouse”]
Trust in your relationship usually evaporates as it ends.
The person you love and thought you knew very well appears to be a complete stranger.
Patience, empathy, understanding and healthy communication are often no longer possible.

We only control our own thoughts, our own emotions, and our own actions.
You cannot control anyone else – ever!
Their thoughts, feelings, and actions are completely their own.
That lesson, sadly, took me a long time to learn.

So how are you thinking about the situation you are in?
Are your thoughts helpful to you?
What are you feeling about your separation?
Are you letting your emotions come up and processing them, or are you avoiding them?
Are you reacting, acting, or taking no action in a way that serves you?
Are you working to make things better for yourself and your family?

Stop focusing on your ex and their misdeeds and bad behaviours.
I am not saying to ignore this stuff.
Always protect yourself with awareness but don’t let it control you or take you away from your own work and forward momentum.
Do not let your ex have any control over how you are thinking, feeling and acting.
Choose what YOU want to think, feel and do.
Stop reacting and start being proactive with your own results in mind.
Make yourself the most important person in your own story.
Focus on yourself.
110%

Step into your own power.
Control your own destiny!

“Where focus goes, energy flows” – Tony Robbins

What small step can you take today to start your path to healing?
Please share your ideas in the comments below!

My coaching can help you take back your power and feel better –
you can book a free strategy session here to see if my coaching
would be a good fit for both of us!

I also manage a private Facebook group where we can connect and you can be kept up to date with challenges, products and all sorts of other resources. Please join me in ‘Growing Through Divorce‘.

Take good care of yourself!

Pam

Pam Mirehouse
The Divorce Coach in Dundas