Often in a separation, especially at the start of a breakup, people stop looking after themselves. Are you guilty of any of these things?

• You worry about what others think so you pretend things are “fine” despite not feeling fine at all.
• You attempt to control things that you have no control over like other people.
• You power through, like the energizer bunny, despite emotional, mental and physical exhaustion.
• You don’t listen to your own precious body.
• You ignore your intuition.
• You resist and fight change instead of accepting what is.
• You stifle and avoid your emotions.
• You blame yourself – you may feel guilty.
• You beat yourself up mentally and are downright mean to yourself inside your own head.
• You put yourself at the bottom of your to-do list.
• You forget all self-care – who has the time or the energy for that when your life lies in ruins around you?

“Self-care is not selfish.

You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

– Eleanor Brown

Think of self-care as your own personal energy bank account – similar to a regular bank account.

If you do not look after yourself – maintain and fill up your energy supply. You will have no energy to:

• be able to cope well
• think things through
• manage your feelings and heal
• stand up for yourself and improve your own situation
• make good long-term decisions
• look after your loved ones that depend on you

 Put in some deposits,
preserve or save what you can
and spend wisely on things that are important to you.
Making yourself a priority and investing in your self-care during separation and divorce is absolutely essential!
If you won’t look after your own needs – who will?
You certainly don’t want to depend on an ex-spouse to meet your needs!
Self-care actually shows people how YOU want to be treated.
Set a good example – treat yourself well!
Invest in yourself!
You=#1

Save as much of your own energy as you can.
Don’t let others take your energy especially, people that drain you emotionally.
Minimize activities and interactions that deplete you and wear you down.
Learn to say “No” and remember you do not need to justify your “No”!
Conserve energy for your true priorities.
Spend your energy wisely on the important things that will, eventually, increase your own energy over time.
Some difficult things may seem to deplete you – these are actions like setting healthy boundaries, but they will benefit you over time if you maintain them.

AND,

Most importantly,
Make regular deposits to fill your energy account up.

Good self-care = deposits

Deposits will strengthen you up and make you more resilient.
Build up your strengths, your confidence, your skills, your knowledge.
Ask for the help you need.
Make sure that you are meeting your own needs first.
This is true self-care.
It really does add to your life, similar to money in a bank account.

So let’s look at your energy account balance:

What have you done for yourself today?
Are you looking after yourself well?
Are you creating or continuing to practice good habits to look after your body, mind, heart and spirit?
Are you giving yourself time and space to feel your emotions, rest and replenish yourself?
Are you speaking up for yourself and setting healthy boundaries with others?
Are you asking for help when you need it?
What would you say to your best friend in a similar situation to what you are facing now?
How would you treat them? What would you tell them?
Try to treat yourself like this best friend that needs your support, care and love.
Treat yourself with compassion, understanding, respect and kindness!
It is always easy to look back at things and understand them better, but you really did do the best you could with what you knew at the time. Do not beat yourself up or be hard on yourself for the past. It is what it is.
Allow yourself plenty of time and space to look after yourself.
Schedule in some downtime.
Schedule some time to be alone to just think and feel.
Actually, pen it into your own calendar!

Self-care is the best thing you can and should be doing right now for yourself.
We only get one body in this life. One mind. One heart. One spirit or soul. If you are struggling – take the time to be present. Show up for yourself and listen to what your body, mind, heart and spirit are telling you.
Get to know who you really are.
Celebrate and be grateful you have everything that you do have in this moment!
Get to know your strengths and weaknesses. It is all good.
Nurture all of yourself – build up your body, mind, heart and spirit so you can handle the changes that separation and divorce will throw at you.
Don’t give yourself any time limits on grieving your relationship or healing.
Separation and divorce are a marathon, not a sprint.
Build yourself up to make it through to that finish line. It will get better with time and positive action. Divorce really is a journey.
Rest when you need to. The time you rest is just as important as the time you spend moving.
Nurture yourself.
Learn what you need to know.
Work on the skills you need to have.
Take all the time you need.
Keep moving forward.
Self-care is a life long process.
Keep doing it no matter what!
Never stop!

[bctt tweet=”Self-care is never selfish – it’s a necessity! Make it a habit and schedule it in!” username=”PamMirehouse”]

More self-care blogs you might enjoy:

How I define my three types of self-care

More on being your own priority

Please tell me in the comments what you like to do for yourself! What did you start to do that helped during your separation? What did you say “No” to for the first time that helped? I stopped doing volunteer work at my children’s school. I started doing more relaxing exercise routines that required less coordination because I was worried I would hurt myself by being distracted… 😉

My coaching will help you make yourself a priority – you can book a free strategy session here to see if coaching with me would be a good fit!

Take good care of yourself!

Pam

Pam Mirehouse
The Divorce Coach in Dundas