My sleep was fretful.
My appetite was non-existent.
I lost over 30 pounds and felt sick most of the time.
I got compliments on how “great” I looked.
“Thanks,” my ‘happy mask’ said.
Everyone wanted to know my weight loss secret!
I would not say it was unrelenting STRESS!
No one knew what I was going through during our “marital crisis.”
I didn’t want anyone to judge us if we stayed together.
He finally decided to end our 20-year marriage.
It was a relief.
No more trying to understand things that made no sense to me.
No more walking on eggshells.
No more conflict avoidance.
I felt euphoric.
I felt terrified.
I felt sad.
I had a deep feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach.
Separation and divorce changed every aspect of my life.
Nothing remained the same.
Our kids, our friends and family, our finances, our home and all our possessions were on the table being divided up.
Our life, our memories, our shared history and our privacy – everything no longer held between just the two of us.
Everything was out there in the world, very public, looking tainted and ugly.
Years of ‘good’ memories downgraded with new knowledge.
You never understand the extent of the losses until you are in the thick of it.
Rebuilding from the rubble after my relationship ended was very difficult and took time.
Sometimes I wondered if I would ever feel okay again.
Emotions were in high gear and logic was in low gear!
Ironically this is the precise time when I needed good logic and competent decision-making skills.
I came through it all, did the hard work involved and emerged better on the other side.
Stronger, more confident and ready to choose what I wanted to include in my life.
I knew exactly what I was looking for and started taking small steps to get where I wanted to be.
Now more than 12 years have passed since my separation.
I have rebuilt every aspect of my life.
There are few reminders of my previous life around me except my children and a few true friends.
I enjoy a healthy relationship with an amazing man.
I have a new extended family that loves me.
I gained some great kids and grandchildren along the way!
I call a different house in a different city home.
I have a new career.
Life is very good.
Looking back, I did a lot of the right things.
I am grateful I did okay.
One thing that helped was called a course I joined. This course and support group gave me insights into my emotions, clarity about what I did want, issues to think about and act on, basically a pathway to rebuilding my life and the support of others in similar circumstances.
I am trained as a divorce coach so I can now help others overcome the hurdles which separation creates, cleaner and more efficiently than I did.
I am excited to announce I am offering a rebuilding course, which I call ‘Blue Skies Ahead!’ again this fall.
Based on the same foundation as the course I took years ago, with some updating and creativity to make it current for people right now, it starts with ‘denial’ and goes through 19 ‘rebuilding blocks’ to end with ‘freedom’.
Freedom to be yourself.
Freedom to create the life YOU want to live.
Blue Skies Ahead! Is being offered in Dundas, Ontario again starting Thursday, September 20thth and running until November 29th, 2018 from 7pm-10pm. (No class the week of Oct. 4th.)
I want to support, guide and motivate you through your stress and help you rediscover your strengths and dreams!
Support through the difficult lessons!
Guidance to apply what you are learning!
Motivation to step up and create the life you want right now!
Hope to see you there!
Please visit ‘Blue Skies Ahead!’ Healing Through Divorce for more information or to pre-register.
If you cannot come to Dundas to participate in person, please email me, as I may offer this course online. Let me know you want to take it and I will create it if I get enough interest! I really am here to help you through your time of need!
The Separation Project Coach!
(This blog was first published at TheSeparationProject.ca in 2016 and has been updated for 2018.)