Online dating and traditional dating can be discouraging if you are not ready. A little preparation makes it so much more manageable! There is no rush so please trust yourself and know that the timing will be right for you when you get there.
#1 Are you ready to date?
· Take an honest look and determine if you are ready to date.
First, if you are just coming out of another relationship, take some time to heal and recover before you jump into the dating pool. There should be no time line or pressure to be dating, especially if you are not comfortable with it. I took dating completely off my ‘to do’ list for over a year and that helped me manage the overwhelm that came with the end of my long-term marriage. I took the time to heal and develop some healthy boundaries and set some life goals.
Learn to enjoy some solitude before you try to fill up your emptiness with another relationship. If you are not healed from previous trauma, you end up carrying baggage into your next relationship. I really believe needy people attract other needy people. If you want to attract a great partner with little baggage you have to be healed and ready to be great dating material yourself!
Plan to be confident, content and not feeling desperate when you start dating! We all have a bit of emotional baggage but get it out and have a good look at it. Can you lighten what you are carrying and repack into a smaller bag? I really suggest that you take the time to heal and get an understanding of what ended your last relationship, what you want and do not want, before you dive into the dating pool.
When you start to enjoy being on your own you are probably ready to date!
#2 What exactly are you looking for in a partner?
· Get very clear on whom you want as a partner.
Write out your ‘dream partner’ must have list and be picky and demanding! This is a critical step. List every aspect you want in a partner in a POSITIVE way! Here are some things you may want to think about. Not all will be important to everyone but, if they are important to you, think it through and write it down!
- How do they act?
- How do they look?
- How tall are they?
- What is their build?
- What is their colouring?
- What is their ethnicity?
- What is their religion?
- Do they have any special features?
- How do they dress?
- What age range is acceptable?
- How do they treat you?
- What does their home look like?
- Do you want them to have kids?
- How many kids are okay?
- How do they treat their ex-partners if they have any?
- What are their interests?
- What hobbies and sports do they enjoy?
- Do they like to travel or are they a homebody?
- What are their values?
- What are their strengths?
When your list is very specific and positive, you are ready to date.
#3 What kind of partner do you deserve to be with?
· Be realistic about your goals and examine your limiting beliefs around dating and what you deserve.
No one is perfect so be realistic on your partner ‘want list’ and know that you will have to be what is on their ‘want list’ to actually get what you ‘want’ so step up and be your best possible yet true self.
Next, take a good look at any beliefs that are limiting you. So often we have false beliefs that hold us back. These ideas that exist in our heads almost unconsciously need to be pulled up, carefully looked at and corrected. Do you think you always attract needy alcoholics? Look at yourself and what you believe and get clear on what you actually do deserve. Write out that list too and convince yourself that your list is achievable.
When you believe you deserve a great partner you are ready to date.
My next blog on dating – where I will be discussing how I used online services to find my Mr. Right is here:
In case you missed my previous dating blog about the advantages of online dating is here:
Having trouble managing dating after your separation or divorce or just having trouble sorting out things during a separation? I can help and it would be an honour!
Pam Mirehouse The Divorce Coach in Dundas.